Tony Schwartz on “The Only Thing that Really Matters”:
From an evolutionary perspective, the need to be valued is primal and survival-based. Sociologist Elijah Anderson describes respect as a key to the “code of the streets” in inner cities.
And, even in the knowledge worker’s world,
To feel valued (and valuable) is almost as compelling a need as food. The more our value feels at risk, the more preoccupied we become with defending and restoring it, and the less value we’re capable of creating in the world.
I’m not that familiar with Tony’s work, but I agree completely with the message in his article.
If you want to really understand the value of making people feel valued, start with Dale Carnegie’s 1937 classic How To Win Friends and Influence People. I like to think of Carnegie’s ideas as the “first principles” of self-help, which, as paradoxical as it may seem, starts with making others feel important.
It was true 100,000 years ago. It was true in 1937. And now, in the information economy, where we transact in social capital first and dollars second, it’s truer than ever.
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“To feel valued (and valuable) is almost as compelling a need as food. The more our value feels at risk, the more preoccupied we become with defending and restoring it, and the less value we’re capable of creating in the world.”
This refers to Microsoft, right? ;)
“From an evolutionary perspective” virtually anything can be proved or disproved. Why? Because for the most part there’s no objective measurement of “fitness.” In the end, Darwinian reasoning is circular because, fully stated, it’s about the survival of the fittest to survive. Fitness is demonstrated by the survival of a species, which in turn proves the fitness of that species. At best, it’s a meaningless truism. At worst it’s a bit like proving that rich people are rich because they have more money than poor people.
Year ago, apparently as a lark, a bird specialist described the behavioral traits of two closely related species of birds. One lived in open meadows, the other in the woods. Could there be an evolutionary explanation, he asked? Impressive rationale were then put forward for why each behavioral difference aided that particular species in its particular ecological niche. Then biologist announced that he’d reversed his description of the behavioral traits of the two species. Something that explains anything explains nothing.
Yes, we need to be valued, but the proof of that lies in observation and not appeals to some muddled scheme claiming to explain how the world works.
–Michael W. Perry, editor of Eugenics and Other Evils by G. K. Chesterton
Tony is a hero. You should definitely check out his book “the power of full engagement” where he talks about energy management as the key driver behind productivity. His articles on the Harvard Business Review cover that a lot.