*** Central air conditioning and heat. Electronic security gates. Well lit areas. 24-hour video recordings. ***

The typical ad for self-storage promises better living conditions than those enjoyed by most of the world’s human population.

Suburbs of stuff are everywhere. You can hardly drive a mile in most cities without seeing their brightly colored rooftops.

Even though the average square footage of American homes has more than doubled since the 1950s, we, the people who own more than we can use, still have to rent apartments for our shit.

We’re simply out of room. Out of room for grandma’s dresser, junior’s nightstand, Uncle Johnny’s faux wood paneled floor speakers. And especially, out of room for reason.

The savings fallacy

Most people (that I know) who cosign their material possessions’ rent check are people who think that it’s cheaper to keep their shhhhtuff in storage than “waste it.” Put objectively, they’d rather waste their money than their stuff.

Landlords of stuff are happy to oblige the misguided judgement of the chronically possessive. $20 billion dollars a year happy.

A flat for your furniture can easily run $100 per month or more. That’s $1,200+ a year to you and me. Is the crap that no longer belongs in your home but will look great in Billy’s college apartment in five years worth $6,000? I sure as hell hope so. Because that’s what you’re paying for the privilege of pack-ratting it.

Nutty idea: Donate that dust-coated assemblage of particle board and staples. Take the tax deduction. Buy something that actually fits Billy’s apartment in five years. And put that $6,000 toward his tuition. You’ll need it.


Before you tacitly enter a long-term contract to subsidize the sedentary lifestyle of your inanimate dependents, question whether they’re really worth the cost. I think you know the answer.