Most self-help books fail because they ask for self-change, something that’s nearly impossible for anyone to provide.
A self-help book shows you how its author became successful. You’ll never be the author, though.
I’ve learned that the most helpful self-help books are those that I read like a shattered mirror. They were helpful to the extent that I saw my own reflection cast back. It wasn’t that the author didn’t ask me to change; it was that I didn’t ask myself.
When you read the self-help genre, or listen to the advice of successful people, don’t think “how can I change to be more like them?” Instead, look for existing strengths in common.
If you dedicate your life to the pursuit of self-change, you’ll miss the one opportunity you have to use your strengths. You’ll miss life itself.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
One word: YES!!
I’m not sure I understand what you mean when you say that self-change is “nearly impossible for anyone to provide.” I completely disagree with this statement. If one has say, an anger issue, and finds a book to help them with that from a noted author, they can try the suggestions. They have to be willing to change, and I agree when you say “I didn’t ask myself”. I have no clue, for example, what the guy is like who wrote the books on “Chicken Soup” for instance; I just know that some of the suggestions are good and I can try them. So, I find this post quite confusing.
The original version of this post was about 3x longer and included statements like “Granted, it’s possible to change some things.” In the end, after a lot of redacting, I decided to leave it much more generic and open to interpretation.
Sure some change *is* possible, but I just think most people (Westerners primarily) put far too much energy into change and far too little into using what they already have.
Every personality type has a lot of shortcomings, but that doesn’t stop imperfect people from doing amazing things.